"This place is van damme FULL of gays! They are everywhere I tell you truly!" 
"Well, it is a Lady Gaga happening, babe, doncha know." 
"Here's a gay. There's a gay. Everywhere's a gay. GAYS ARE EVER--" 
"Hello?? Hello? Hellloooooo.... I think my phone just got gay-rayed."
"Oooh! Is George Takei here?"

Yes, THE George Takei. the one who has boldly gone before The Gaythering Storm,   is now set to unleash his Gay Ray Gun on the feary masses of man-lady marriage advocates. What this means is that every appliance in fundamentalist Jewish, Christian and Islamic homes will stop functioning as Jehovah/God/Allah intended when touched by this Satanic ray, leaving householders at the mercy of the technologically savvy, the people who can read schematics, the ones who know the difference between a pterosaur and a soldering iron. Will fundamentalists be able to stand up against this assault on their precious microwaves, TV's and satellite dishes? They must! After all, mere gayness is a little thing beside duking it out over which one Jehovah/God/Allah loves best.

But, before getting down to the main event, it seems that Takei's invention does have an important unintended side effect. Buried by the lamestream media, there are disturbing reports that appliances aren't the only things rendered non-functional. Mark Harmon, in his Dateline Nashville: The Gay Ray Gun blog reported that the Tennessee's state legislature was under threat before the topic was mysteriously shelved.

Incidentally, the Chinese, Russians, Japanese. Brazilians and Indians are watching the struggle with some amusement. They know who the real winner will be if the Americans continue to think that Fred Flintstone's garbage disposal was dinosaur powered and that gay marriage is worth fighting against.